if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
