Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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