to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well I just put wine in my tea
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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