If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
