Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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