he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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