I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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