please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
false alarm. still invincible.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
