U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize