Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
