In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
