Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
