Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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