Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
