So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
