It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
