Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
