Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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