in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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