I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
