put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
