I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
