How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
