I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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