One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
