Betty ford says i'm here all night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
