im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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