For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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