Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
smell my finger.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
