please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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