You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize