I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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