He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
