He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
