His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
