i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
