I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
