Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
