Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
