I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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