just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
