WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
