we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
