If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
