you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my sisters under your porch take her home
two words: eviction party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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