Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
