1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
