If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
BRING THE BAGELS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Success! We fucked roommates!
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