Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
