Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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