I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
