discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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