I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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