I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
