I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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