Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
