its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
operation have a gay friend backfired
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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