absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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