Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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