Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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