i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
