ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
