i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is my gift to your gina
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
