I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So many bounce houses so little time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
