he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
