my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
