I am spending my child support on dildos
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize