I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
