I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
