I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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