Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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